Are You Revolutionary Enough?

Are you mom enough?  Seriously.  Mom enough to handle the toughest job on the planet?  Before you say yes, you’d better “mom up” and grow a pair.  Cause motherhood ain’t for sissies!

When I first read the title on this week’s cover of Time, I was flattered.  The phrase ”man enough” typically refers to someone who is strong enough, brave enough, or whatever enough to do something really hard.  Someone really, really manly.  So having that play on words applied to mothering seemed like a really big high five to moms who go the distance. 

Like, rock on with your bad self!  You’re awesome enough to do whatever it takes to give your kids all that they need!  You’re that amazing as a mom!  You’re mom enough!

But then came the spin.  Attachment Parenting being labeled as “extreme.”  The press described more than competing ideologies and parenting philosophies. Rather, they fanned the flames of the mommy wars, pitting mother against feminist, and woman against society, manipulating normal maternal behavior, making it look and feel militant. Crazy.  Especially when the ultimate goal of attachment parenting is raising children to be peaceful, compassionate adults. 

The attachment parenting philosophies give us a set of “tools, not rules” (to quote Dr. Sears).  Dr. Sears lists seven B’s in his AP tool kit: birth bonding, breastfeeding, baby wearing, bed sharing, belief in your baby’s cries, beware of baby training, and balance.  And the object of these practices is to create a strong relationship between the parents and the baby.  A relationship that is formed throughout babyhood, and lasts all the way through childhood and adulthood.  He doesn’t insist that parents practice any or all of these behaviors.  Instead, the focus is on the attachment.  The bond.  The relationship.  And isn’t that what we’re all on this planet for?  The relationships?  To love one another and to learn to do better.

So no more mommy wars!  The competition and one-upmanship are divisive and keep women and families disempowered.  Loving each other will take us all a lot further.  Moms all want the best for their babies.  And we all do the very best we can with the information and support available to us.  By embracing the “sisterhood” philosophy, and ditching the catty, ladies’ room mentality, we help out not only each other, but ourselves and our children.   

So it’s not about who breastfed the longest.  Or whether or not you own a crib or a stroller.  It’s about loving relationships and world peace.  And that’s not asking too much.  Is it?  Before you judge someone based on the age of their nursling, or how commited you think they are to their little ones, ask yourself this:  Am I commited enough to peace and love that I can see this mother as a whole person and mother?  Am I revolutionary enough?

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

A 180 Degree Revolution: Night and Day

It occurred to me while I was at work the other day that I was thinking clearly.  My mind was focused, Iwas quick, and everything just flowed.  Like it was easy.  Funny how much easier it is to function when you’ve slept the night before…

A year ago this month I switched from working days to working nights so that my children wouldn’t have to be in daycare.  Until that time, my husband and I had been scrambling to figure out how to balance work and kids.  My youngest was 101 days old when I returned to work, and at that time, my husband took his paterntity leave and stayed home with our kids. When his leave ended, we juggled weekend shifts, and traded child care with a close family friend, in an effort to avoid institutionalized day care.  What finally worked out for us was me switching to night shift. 

So I womaned up and summoned all the forces of “da club” and partied like a rockstar all night long with laboring moms at the hospital, then came home to play with my kiddos during the day.  And it worked for us.  Sort of.  My children were either with me or my husband at all times, which was what they needed. 

But despite my passion for my work and immense love for my family, I must admit that the balancing act left me a little hazy.  In fact, sometimes I felt more like “stupor mom” than super mom.  I was used to being a smarter version of myself, and a more patient and enthusiastic mommy.  It took more energy to do less.  It was humbling.  And it was transforming. 

Working nights taught me so much.  I feel like I have a new appreciation for all that those night nurses do and what they offer by their willingness to work nights.  Many of them, like me, have small children at home.  I never before appreciated the sacrifice each of them makes of herself in order to be there for her family.  As one night nurse said put it, “sometimes you’ve got to take one for the team.”  To go without enough sleep for long periods does more than leave you tired.  It affects mood, memory, and emotions.  It takes a lot to learn how to function at a high level under those circumstances.  The nurses that I worked with found it in themselves not only to give exceptional care to their patients, but to each other.  There is a strong sense of family and support and teamwork among the night shift nurses.  There seems to be an understanding, that if one nurse has a patient, then everyone has a patient.  Those nurses really work together.  And more than that, they laugh together, cry together, and really know how to be there for one another.  One of the nurses, a vet, once said that she felt like she “could go into war with these girls”.  Exactly. 

A year later, and I find myself returning to days.  My husband recently took a new job, at night.  Can you believe it?  And he’s transitioning quite nicely.  Thing is, we can’t both work nights.  Our children need someone to be home with them at night!  So, with a little juggling, but not nearly the amount of frantic scrambling we were involved in last year, I’ve embraced sleeping at night (albeit with a baby in my bed, nursing a good three to four times each night), and surrendered to using childcare once or twice a week (so my dear hubby can sleep).  And I’m OK with that this time around.  Xander is 19 months old.  He walks, eats food, and advocates for himself.  Loudly.  And big brother AJ is there with him, adding to their fraternal comeraderie. 

So, I’m on days now!  I feel like I’ve just come out of a sleepy, hazy fog.  Like suddenly I’ve woken up from a dream.  A fun, silly, intense dream that I’m going to miss.  Those night nurses are an amazing group of women, and my move back to days leaves me a little sad, but grateful for the time and patience they gave me.  I’m thankful for their taking me in, and letting me become one of them.  I hope they know how much their sisterhood has meant to me.  I may work days now, but I’ll never again be the same “day nurse” that I was.  I’m a little stronger, a bit more resourceful, and I know that even in the middle of the night, with no backup, and everything going down hill fast, we’ve still got this. 

And after all that, I’ll never complain about my baby’s waking to nurse in the midde of the night again!

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Revolution in the O.R.

“He’s going to be responsible for that kid for the next 18 years. I think we can trust him to take care of him for twenty minutes this morning.”

The charge nurse laid it out so simply that no one could argue. My patient was having a scheduled c-section, and wanted her husband to be able to hold their baby in his arms in the operating room until the surgery was over, and she could hold him in recovery. But this wasn’t part of our usual procedure. Normally within a few minutes of birth, the baby was whisked out of the OR and into the nursery, where, under the watchful eye of an experienced nurse, he was weighed, measured, assessed, and warmed.

But this patient and her husband wanted their baby kept with them at all times. Which seemed reasonable to me. After all, he’s their baby. I know that when my boys were born, keeping them close to me was really important to me. So important that I gave birth to my first baby at home so that he wouldn’t be taken to a nursery. So important that I was part of a committee at work that wrote a policy allowing mothers to keep their babies with them after they were born vaginally. So important that I found myself standing at the nurses’ station as my shift ended, making phone calls to physicians and nurses, advocating for this family in hopes that they’d get to keep their baby close by, rather than clocking out and going home.

Our desire to keep our babies close to us at birth is a maternal instinct. Our babies need us, and we need them. Babies who are separated from their mothers cry out in protest. And they calm when reunited and placed skin-to-skin with their mothers. Mom is baby’s home. Babies who are kept skin-to-skin with their moms cry less, breast feed more easily, breathe more steadily, and have more stable blood sugars and body temperatures. They’re just better off with their mamas. And moms are less likely to have postpartum hemorrhage or postpartum depression; and they report more confidence in their ability to breastfeed and mother their newborn when they’re kept skin-to-skin with them. And even when skin-to-skin isn’t an option, keeping moms and babies together is just the right thing to do. Access to their mothers is a baby’s most fundamental, basic human right. Ya know?

When we first established our Birth Kangaroo Policy 3 1/2 years ago, our department director wanted to include cesarean births in our policy. Her efforts were shot down, and she was told basically that it was a safety issue. We went forward anyway, focusing instead on vaginal births, and on c-section recoveries. The problem is that almost 1/3 of babies are born via c-section these days. That’s a lot of babies separated from their moms. But maybe it’s time to readdress the issue.

I’ve seen two cesarean births in the past month or so where the moms have asked to keep their babies with them in the OR, and where the powers that be have all given their blessing. And everything went off without a hitch. I’m feeling a lot of gratitude to that charge nurse with her common sense approach to the whole thing, and to the doctors who said yes. Mostly I’m thankful to the moms who’ve advocated for themselves and their babies. Cause in the end, they will be the catalysts for change in our birthing culture. They’ll be the ones who initiate evolution in our hospital policies. You go mamas.

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Bless this Revolution

When I was pregnant with my second baby, I decided not to have a traditional baby shower.  Two reasons:  First, I already had all the stuff you supposedly need for a baby; and second, I knew well this time that what I really needed was support going into birthing and mothering a tiny baby.

This was my second kid, and with my first I had the traditional shower of gifts and games.  So my house was still overflowing with superfluous swings, strollers, bouncy chairs, bibs, doorway jumpers, clothes, rattles, tiny wash cloths, burp rags, a crib, a cosleeper…  Most of which, I might add, I never used.  My first little guy just wasn’t into hanging out in a swing, a bouncy chair, or stroller.  He preferred to be on me.  In my arms, or in the sling.  So most of my baby stuff was still around, and all in like-new condition.

To be honest, I harbored a bit of resentment toward all that stuff.  My family and friends had spent a lot of money on it.  And our baby goods industry makes a lot of money on parents who think they need all this stuff.  What I really needed:  A car seat, a ring sling, some diapers, some clothes (far fewer than we actually had, by the way), and someone to help me figure out how to balance dishes, laundry, cooking, showering, and occasional potty breaks with the needs of a newborn.

So when I was pregnant with Xander, and my sweet friend Jeannie offered to give me a baby shower, I said no thank you.  Instead I asked for a Blessing Way ceremony, also known as a Mother’s Blessing.

What exactly is a Blessing Way, you may ask?  Well, it’s based on, or inspired by, a beautiful Navajo tradition, a ritual or rite of passage, intended to prepare and empower someone during specific times in their life.  The modern-day hippie mamas who have embraced this rite have changed it up and made it all about the mother-to-be and her upcoming birth and transition into motherhood.  Out of respect for the Navajo people, some people prefer to refer to this interpretation of the ceremony as a Mother’s Blessing, or a Birthing Way.  No matter what you call it, it’s a heartfelt gift to the expectant mother, given in love, and intended to strengthen, empower, and prepare her for her journey through birth and new motherhood.

At my Mother’s Blessing, each guest was asked to bring three things: a thought, poem, or scripture to share; a bead; and a meal for my family’s freezer (So I wouldn’t have to cook for a few weeks after our baby’s birth).

Upon arrival, the women chatted and enjoyed a little food and drink.  Unlit candles were setup around the room, and chairs were arranged in a circle.  And after a little while, Jeannie asked the women to come sit.  We went around the circle, and each woman introduced herself, and then shared the words she’d prepared (the thought, poem, or scripture).  Then she was invited to light a candle.  Finally, each woman strung her bead onto a long thread and we collectively made a birthing necklace that I would wear during my labor, a symbol of the long chain of mothers, and the support these women offered.  Each woman took a fresh candle with her when she left, as well as the phone number of another woman. 

Weeks later when my labor started, I called Jeannie, and Jeannie initiated the phone chain, and within an hour each woman who had been there knew I was in labor.  Each lit her candle and offered a prayer (whatever that meant to her) for my safe and gentle birthing, and for a healthy baby.  And as I labored through that beautiful September morning, I felt the cool weight of my birthing necklace around my neck, as a calming reminder that I was not alone.  A couple of days later when I made it back to Facebook, my profile page was covered with photos of lit candles, taken and posted by friends who had “been there” while I labored, blessing and loving me.  It was a testament of their support that left me teary-eyed.

My friend Katie wrote a poem, which she shared at my Blessing Way.  Just because it’s so beautiful, I want to share it here.

Your Body Is A Universe

By Kathleen Mitchell

Your body is a universe
Cells shining like stars
When the planet behind your navel
Loosens from your womb
Let the hum of creation
Fill the rivers, your veins.
This is the current we share,
This is the birth that binds us.
Let the mothers of the ages
Be the banks to gird your waters
Let your breath be the wave
That smooths sensations.
Pain and glory will join in a push
And the rush of life,
The first inspired breath,
Another shining universe,
Your baby boy.
Your love will be his gravity.
Ground him in peace.

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Revolutionary Medicine

Having sick kids sucks.  I mean it. It really sucks.

My poor kiddos have been battling it out with asthmatic bronchitis and some pukey bug that makes them throw up.  Yuck!  Damn you, cold and flu season! 

**shakes fist in the air**

In addition to the horrible feelings of powerlessness that come with seeing your children suffer because they’re sick, I also feel really self-conscious.  My children are/were both breastfed.  Why are they sick?  Doesn’t breastfeeding mean your kids won’t get sick?

Well, no.  It doesn’t.  It means they’ll probably get sick less often than they would if they weren’t breastfed.  And probably not be as sick when they’re, well, sick.  They’re less likely to require hospitalization and/or antibiotics.  And they’ll probably recover faster.  And that’s a big deal!  Especially when it’s your kiddo who is sick!

For example, my 18 month-old baby boy Xander is still nursing.  And thank God!  He had some sort of bug that made it impossible for him to hold down food.  Or water.  Everything made him gag and puke.  Except for mommy milk.  And he only wanted to nurse because it was comforting for him.  So when I took him to the ER on a Saturday night because I was concerned about his high fever and frequent puking, the triage nurse said to me (as I was nursing my sick toddler) “well, if he’s throwing up, you probably shouldn’t give him anything to eat or drink, if you know what I mean.”

“…if you know what I mean.”  Dude couldn’t say “you probably shouldn’t breastfeed your baby.”  I’m all about the awesomeness of male nurses.  Especially in the ER setting.  We need more of them, and all.  But the guy clearly didn’t have a maternal bone in his body.  I looked him in the eye and said, “I’m not going to NOT nurse him.  He needs me.  It’s the only thing he can hold down.  If it wasn’t for nursing he’d be totally dehydrated.  And I’m making antibodies for him.”  I’m sure he was more than a little freaked out by it.  But hey, he’s not a mother.  Or an IBCLC.  So it’s probably out of his scope of practice.

The doctor who saw us confirmed that breastfeeding was not only OK, it was keeping him hydrated and helping him to fight whatever crazy bug had him so sick.  And it was doing enough that, no, he wouldn’t have to be hospitalized with IV fluids for hydration.  And no, he wasn’t going to require antibiotics.  So, yes, I should continue to nurse him, around the clock, and as much as he would accept.  Count wet diapers, make sure he’s making tears and saliva… and follow up with your primary care physician if he’s not better by Monday.  Oh, and, good job Mom.  Well, thank you, Emergency Room Physician.  Now, can you please educate your staff?

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Remember the Revolution!

“When they’re old enough to ask for it, they’re too old to breastfeed!”

What exactly does that mean?  Old enough to ask for it?  And what is the implication in this statement?  Let’s break it down a little bit.

By ask for it, does that mean express to the mother that the child wants to nurse?  Because newborns begin cuing their mothers from birth that they want to breastfeed.  But wait, we probably weren’t including reflexes here.  Right?  Just intentional “asking for it?”

OK, then.  What about older babies whose mothers teach them to sign?  Lots of babies can close their little fists to make the sign for ”milk”, often as young as six or seven months old.  Oh, not them either.  We’re just talking about using words to ask for milk. 

Alright.  Well, babies typically become little talkers at around 18 months.  But most have a few words well before a year.  So, say, my friend Kate’s daughter who would do the sign  for milk and say “nurse” to her mother at 10 months old.  Is a 10-month old too old to breastfeed?  Or my baby boy, who at 15 months would pat my chest and say “mo, mo?” asking for milk.  The American Academy of Pediatrics recommends that children be breastfed for a minimum of one year, and the World Health Organization recommends a minimum of two years.  And each recommends longer, as long as it’s working for the mother and child.  So 10, 15, and 18 months would still be shy of the minimum recommendation.

OK, so maybe the idea is that children who walk over to their mother, sit on her lap, and nicely say “Mommy, may I have some milk please?” as they unhook her nursing bra…  Those are the ones who are too old to breastfeed.  What are we talking about here?  Maybe a three-year old?

Well, let me remind you, that the average age of nursing around the world is 4.2 years.  And that normal spontaneous human weaning typically takes place between 2.5 and 7 years.  And 9 years isn’t outside of the scope of normal and healthy.  For more anthropological and biological information on normal human breastfeeding duration, check out this awesome page: http://www.kathydettwyler.org/detwean.html  Kathy Dettwyler is awesome.

Does that mean that I think that everyone should nurse exactly 4.2 years?  Or a minimum of 2.5?  No.  But I do think we need to examine our fears, and why we think it’s so important that children not breastfeed once they are out of early infancy. 

One thing that I hear from people is that children who speak are old enough that they’ll be able to remember breastfeeding.  And that’s scary for a lot of people in our society.  Statistically, we have  a high rate of sexual victimization of children in this country.  Most healthy, loving, conscious adults don’t want to do anything to hurt children, especially if it involves their sexual exploitation.  Most of us really want to protect children.

In addition, we have an all or nothing approach to breasts and human sexuality in our culture.  We’re very puritanical.  Our bodies are kind of shameful.  We keep ‘em covered and, for the most part, aren’t comfortable with them.  We’re too fat, too thin, too whatever–to be ok with our bodies.  Unless we’re on the cover of a magazine.  Then we can take it all off.  And it’s ultra sexy.  Breasts in our culture are totally covered, or they’re totally sexy.  It’s the virgin/whore dichotomy.  If we’re virginal mothers, that’s fine.  Of course, since breasts are sexual, then virginal mothering doesn’t involve breasts.  On the other hand, as long as we’re not mothering, we can be whores and flaunt our sexuality, which means breasts are ok.  Human psychology is crazy! 

I’d like to propose a new way of thinking about this.  If babies and children breastfeed long enough to remember breastfeeding, to remember the comfort, security, love, and tenderness that nursing offers, then maybe they will grow up with another perspective of breasts.  That breasts are first and foremost for feeding our young.  That breasts are part of mother, and that they are synonymous with nurturing.  Perhaps a generation that grows up with this perspective of breasts will be less likely to objectify women.  Maybe that generation will be less inclined to segregate the female into little boxes where her various aspects have nothing to do with one another.  Maybe then we can be whole, integral women, without shame for what’s normal, or fear of our bodies and our children’s needs.  Maybe then we can be daughters and mothers and sisters and lovers… and still remain whole. 

My five-year old remembers nursing, by the way.  It’s just normal for him.  I don’t think he thinks much about it.  But he knows that “that’s what boobs are for.”

Father Revolution

I’m all about supporting nursing mamas. I run a couple of breastfeeding support groups, love, love, love my nursing mamas group on Facebook, and do what I can to help moms breastfeed their new babies right away in the hospital!
I write a lot about our society’s obligation to mothers, and how important it is that we support breastfeeding in public, provide paid maternity leave, and educate mothers and teach them how to feed their babies. It may be a lot to ask, but it’s so important.
On a more intimate level, I want to talk today about support from our partners. The guy I lovingly and professionally refer to as the “FOB”. That’s the Father Of Baby. He might be your husband, or maybe your boyfriend… In this day and age it could be neither of those things. Whatever the case, your significant other’s support really and truly makes a difference in your life and the life of your baby.
When I was in labor–both times–my husband provided the best hands-on labor support you could imagine. He was my “papa-dural.” I swear, I couldn’t have had an unmedicated birth if it wasn’t for that man!
After our babies were born I needed him and his support more than ever. But balancing babies and marriage is tricky business. Even the best of couples struggle sometimes during those crazy, hazy, sleepless with a baby nights!
We all hear that when the baby is born mom should sleep when her baby sleeps. Her main job is to nurse her baby and recover from giving birth. And this is even more true if she has a cesarean birth. But there seems to be this expectation that she entertain the clamoring throngs who want to come adore the newborn king (or queen), resume wifely duties in the care and feeding of her husband, and keep her house looking child-free. Meanwhile, she’s up nursing the baby around the clock, changing a good half dozen or so diapers a day, and hasn’t had a shower in a week. And she’s supposed to sleep when???
Now take a mom of more than one child and that gets magnified by like a hundred. Not to mention the older child or children who need and deserve parenting. My god. I’m feeling my mother guilt-ometer rising just thinking about it!
So, what do we mothers need from our FOBs? Baby daddies, please step up. We love you and we need you and we can’t do this without you. You are officially invited to take on the role of knight in shining armor. Don’t worry, it’s only a top five list. Here goes:
1. If there are older children in the house, please, please, please be their primary parent for now. Embrace bath time, stories, diapers, peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, and finger paints with as much enthusiasm and love as you hope us moms will show you when we get the six week “all’s clear” from the OB-GYN. Your taking the time to care for big brother or sister right now helps your baby mama care for the new baby without feeling like she’s abandoning her older children. It ensures that she’ll have time and energy to bond with the new baby, and it earns you some seriously sexy brownie points!
2. Housework! She doesn’t care how you get it done. Just get it done. You can do it yourself or you can hire somebody. You can even ask your mom to come vacuum and do laundry. But please, don’t expect the new mom to keep the house up when she’s still learning how to keep this new little person alive outside of her body. It was different when it was all internal and autopilot. Now that it’s on the outside it’s kind of harder to manage…
3. Two words: male chef. When my husband and I were dating, one of the things about him that really turned me on was his exceptional affinity for making crepes. And the man tosses pizza dough like no other. And heck. You don’t have to cook the food yourself. Chinese takeout totally rocks, too! Even a bowl of cut up fruit or a smoothie. But the fastest way to a voraciously starving new breastfeeding mother’s heart is through her stomach. (And if you’re reading this, Lance, I’ll never forget the crepes you made for us when AJ was a week old! You killed that breakfast!)
4. Bring her a glass of water when she nurses the baby. It’s a small thing, and it may seem petty. But it makes a world of difference! There’s something about a new baby’s latch that triggers the “thirst” center in a mom’s brain. And besides. Bringing her a glass of water is such an easy way to score bonus points with her! Why pass that up?
5. Don’t ever use her breastfeeding as an excuse for anything that’s not easy about parenting. Let me tell ya, people. Parenting isn’t easy. It’s a ton of selfless, unconditional sacrifice. It just is. And the fact that your wife/girlfriend/significant other is willing to nurse your baby is going to make it that much easier on you. Seriously. It’s cheaper than formula. There’s less work involved (bottles have to be made–and then washed). The diapers smell better. The kiddos are healthier. And if she successfully nurses into toddlerhood, your wife will have an instant fix for tantrums, scraped knees, and bad dreams. One more tool in the tool bet. So when your baby cries for mama, don’t blame breastfeeding. All babies want their mamas. Nursing or not. But the breastfeeding is going to make it that much easier on YOU, dad! So thank her for nursing your baby. She’s doing a world of good for both of you!
And don’t worry, dads. We still love you! This little bundle of joy is miraculously cute and cuddly and sweeter than pie. But as long as you’re able to hang in there through this crazy baby daze, we promise to be here waiting to love on ya like never before. Just give us a little time to get settled in here, and a little help and support as we find our way into our new role. And maybe a glass of water, please. Thank you for putting on the suit of armor!
www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Before I was a Mother Revolution

Have you ever walked past a mirror and noticed yourself in the reflection, only to be surprised to see that the mother reflected there was you?  How did I become this woman?  Last time I looked I was dancing in a club.  Or reading novels in a garden cafe while I nursed a latte, not a baby…  And what about my hobbies, friends, and free time?  Whatever happened to that me I used to know?

It’s one of the crazy shockers of motherhood.  When I was pregnant the first time I anticipated natural childbirth as a spiritually transformative experience.  Man. I had no idea.  And giving birth was only the beginning.  Everything that I used to think was so important suddenly wasn’t anymore.  And isn’t that how it should be?  I mean, what could ever be more important than feeding your baby?  Seriously.

What could ever be more important than feeding your baby?

But there are times…

I was cleaning out some boxes of clutter, and I found copies of my old demo CD, and I remembered that before I was a mother, I used to be a singer/songwriter.

I passed by some tribal drummers at the farmers market and felt my hips start to sway, and I remembered that before I was a mother, I used to be a bellydancer.

I was painting pictures with my five-year old, and I remembered that before I was a mother, I used to be an artist.

I had a visit from a girlfriend I hadn’t seen in over a year.  We stayed up talking until midnight., and I remembered that before I was a mother, I used to be a philosopher and impassioned debater of women’s issues and politics.

I got dressed up and went with my husband to a friend’s wedding, and remembered that before I was a mother, I used to be a young woman, and I’d fallen in love and nothing was more important to me then than my man.

But then I remembered that I’d taken vows with that man, held my breath, and jumped right in.  Nearly ten years later, I know that all that I used to be is still here.  I’m still a dancer, bouncing a baby on my hip, spinning and twirling, making rings-around-the-rosie…  I’m still singing, writing songs with my children about brushing our teeth and holding a hand to cross the street…  And I’ve never been more passionate about women’s rights! 

Before I was a mother, I was a woman who was developing her potential.  Now that I’m a mother, I’m in the season of my life to give life, love, and nurturing to little souls, and help them to reach their potential. 

Before I was a mother, I had no idea how powerful I was, what I could do, who I could help, or why it would matter.  But I am now.  And I do.  So I will.  This Mother Revolution asks that as women in the time of life for nurturing and uplifting others, we extend that to all mothers, all children, all human kind.  Becoming a mother demands that we move from a state of egocentricity to caregiving.  That we let go of control and allow ourselves to evolve a bit. 

I challenge each of you today to harness that energy and find a way to nurture another human life.  Build someone up.  Empower someone.  Make it a safer place for someone to grow.  Stand up and do something.  And I promise that you will find your new you smiling back at you in the reflection, a little prouder of who you’ve become.  Fewer wrinkles?   A flatter post-baby belly?  Maybe not.  But you will definitely find that the world is a more beautiful place because you are in it.

March with us:  July 18, 2012, Lansing, Michigan www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Planning Your Revolution

So, this girlfriend of mine has always wanted a super crunchy, all natural, birth center birth.  With her first pregnancy, she did her research, interviewed the local midwives, and made a birth plan.  And then about half way through the pregnancy, the worst thing happened.  Her water broke and she lost her baby girl.

Second pregnancy, she was all revved up to try again.  She embraced hope, fell in love with her growing belly and the baby inside it, and made up her birth plan for her all natural, birth center birth.  But wait!  This baby was breech, and despite her best efforts (including the attempt of a very good OB to perform an external version–turn the baby from the outside so he could be born head first), he stayed that way.  So my friend ended up having a cesarean birth.  A very good cesarean, with her rainbow baby kept close by and already nursing less than an hour after he was born… But not the warm and fuzzy, midwife-attended, all natural, born-in-water kind of birth center birth she’d been hoping and planning for.

Her little boy is a year-and-a-half old, and she’s expecting another baby–a girl!  And since before this little girl was conceived, my friend has been planning her VBAC.  A beautiful birth plan.  She shopped the various hospitals, researched policies, interviewed OB’s, and had it almost all figured out.  Almost.  Then she started having contractions.  Preterm contractions.  And her baby was breech.  Again.  And then they found some internal bleeding…  And some clotting…  Well, let’s just say the best laid plans… 

But here’s the deal.  This girlfriend of mine has a clear understanding of the word surrender.  While she has no interest in becoming a statistic or subjecting herself to policies that dictate how she births her baby, she’s more than willing to do whatever is required to help her baby have the safest and gentlest birth possible.  So, yeah.  She’ll totally compromise on her birth plans.  What she will not compromise on is the health of her baby, or her breastfeeding plan.

She insists that her baby be kept close by, and that as soon as she is in recovery and stable, that her baby be put skin-to-skin with her.  She declines the use of formula, glucose water, or other artificial foods in favor of her own breastmilk.  Her actual written birth plan, in fact, has more specifics in it about the care of her baby and her postpartum (breastfeeding) care than about the birth.  And I think my friend has got it right on!

Birth is something that is kind of out of our control.  You don’t know when you’ll go into labor, how long it will be, how closely spaced or intense the contractions will be, what position your baby will be in, or how your baby will tolerate labor.  Yes, most births go very, very well, and require very little (if any at all!) intervention.  But birth is big.  It’s huge, in fact.  It’s a powerful force of nature, not unlike a volcano.  And like a volcano, we have lots of scientific data.  Scientists can tell you about the seismic activity of the earth, the temperature of the molten lava, what the smoke will do to your lungs… all sorts of stuff.  But when a volcano erupts, what do you do?  Run!  Does anyone seriously think they can control it?  Hell, no!  We’re smart enough to know that it’s out of our control.  And birth is a lot like a volcano.  While we may be able to tell you about the hormones (natural and artificial) that cause contractions, how dilated a cervix must be to let the baby out, and measure the baby’s heart rate in labor, there’s very little we can do to control it.  We do our best to support the woman and her baby, and exercise patience.  But her body is a force of nature, and deserves respect as such.

What we can plan for is breastfeeding.  There are so many things that you can do to dramatically influence how well of a start your nursing relationship will get off to.  And no, you can’t control everything.  But there’s lots you can do.

1. Plan to breastfeed exclusively.  Ask that no artificial baby milk (formula), sugar-water, or artificial nipples (bottles, pacifiers) be given to your baby.

2. Ask to have your baby placed immediately on your chest, skin-to-skin, and keep him/her there until you’ve completed the first breastfeeding.

3. Wait to administer medications, weigh and measure the baby, give the first bath, and examine the baby until you’ve completed the first breastfeeding.

4. Limit visitors.  Entertaining visitors should never take priority over feeding your new baby.

5. Room in with your baby.  Don’t send them to the nursery.

6. Learn your baby’s early feeding cues, and then nurse your baby before they cry.

7. If your baby’s blood sugar is low, ask the nurse to help you to breastfeed your baby more efficiently.

8. If supplementation with artificial baby milk is medically necessary, ask for help learning to supplement at the breast with an SNS, or finger or cup feed.  And ask for help pumping right away to increase your milk supply!

9. If you and your baby are separated for a medical reason (admission to the NICU), ask for help to start pumping right away, ideally within an hour.

10. If your baby needs to be in the NICU, ask to do Kangaroo Mother Care there.  http://www.kangaroomothercare.com/

Well, my friend is still pregnant with that beautiful baby girl.  And I don’t know exactly what her birth will be like.  What I do know with near certainty is that she will nurse her baby girl, probably for years, not months.  And that no matter what it takes, Cindy has planned to give her baby girl the very best start possible in life.  She’s decided to breastfeed her baby.

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com

Mama Called the Doctor and the Doctor Said, There’s a Revolution Jumping on the Bed!

I love our bed. Some of my happiest memories have been made there.  Now, I know what you’re thinking.  But don’t get too excited.  This is not an “adult” themed blog. 

My oldest child was born on our bed.  It was an amazing night, and it was the night that our bed became our family bed.  AJ and I slept that first night with him nestled into the crook of my arm, nursing on and off for hours that turned into years…  And as a working mom, it was where most of our afterhours time together was spent.  No matter how long and hectic my work day was, he and I always had bedtime to reconnect.  Fast forward a few years, and there’s a second baby in our bed.  And while I now work the night shift, Xander and I still manage to find lots of sleepy nurse time together.

And seriously, what could be more fun than having kids in your bed?  Really!  The tickle fights have been legendary.  Day or night, we always manage to wind up back upstairs on our bed for some silly tickle fun.  Oh, and we have a policy on jumping on the bed in our house:  No jumping on the bed unless you turn the music up.  Because everyone knows that if you’re going to jump on the bed, there’d better be a dance party going on!  So, yeah, we jump on the bed with the music turned way up pretty much every day. 

Probably the silliest memory I have of  our family bed was when AJ pulled the comforter over our heads and announced it was time for a “farty party.”  Ahem.  Yes, I have boys.

And there’ve been some rough nights, for sure.  Fevers, coughs, normal little kid ouchies… No fun at all.  But part of life.  And happily soothed away with snuggles and nursing in our family bed.

It seems to me that breastfeeding and cosleeping are closely intertwined.  It’s so much easier to nurse your little one at night when they sleep close by.  But over the past couple of decades there’s been a lot of talk about safe sleep environments.  It seems that cosleeping has become taboo.  Well, the Mother Revolution in me thinks its time to bring the family bed out of the closet, and talk about what the evidence-based research says.

Dr. James McKenna is a professor at Notre Dame University who has done groundbreaking research in his Mother-Baby Behavioral Sleep Laboratory.  Studying mothers and babies who share sleep, he has been able to explain the anthropology behind cosleeping and breastfeeding.  While cosleeping is definitely not safe if the baby shares a bed with parents who are intoxicated, who smoke, or who don’t know the baby is there, it’s also not safe if the baby is bottle-fed.  But it’s a completely different story when a baby is breastfed and sleeping with his non-smoking, sober mother.  Please check out his website!  http://cosleeping.nd.edu/  It’s full of evidence-based information regarding the safety of cosleeping, as well as its importance to the breastfeeding relationship between the mother and baby.  He also has guidelines for a safe cosleeping environment. 

Now, I’m not saying that a family bed is right for everyone.  I don’t even claim that it’s a safe choice.  As an RN I can’t advise you on that one.  You’ve got to make the judgment call for your own family.  But since it is your choice to make, it should be an informed one.  We all want the best, safest, and healthiest start for our children.  Right?  And ya gotta have the facts if you’re going to make the best choice.  So read the evidence. 

Anyhow, our first baby has grown into a big boy.  And that big boy recently decided that he’s ready to sleep in his own bed.  We cheered him on–and then stretched out and rolled over in our luxuriously spacious cal king that now only sleeps two adults and one baby.  And we know that in a matter of a few short years our bed will be all ours and our bedroom will again become a “den of love.”  But for now, and for as long as my Xander is nursing at night, and for as long as he needs the comfort of his parents when it’s dark, I am grateful for the cuddles and closeness that our family bed brings.

http://cosleeping.nd.edu/

www.breastfeedingmothersunite.com